I wanted to be a mother as far back as I could remember. When I was pregnant the excitement was huge, but unexpected emotions accompanied it, such as fear, grief, and discomfort around the unknown.
Because no one had walked me through the conversation of what was actually happening - that I was crossing over, not only into a brand new role, but also into a brand new identity. I coped as best as I could and started placing a huge expectation and reliance on the happiness that would find me once my baby was actually here.
The disillusionment after that was HUGE. I was one of the 3% of women who transferred to a hospital during my home birth where I continued to have a traumatic birth experience, followed by a year of depression and years of anxiety. My dream of motherhood was crushed, and I was heart-broken.